Never say never
by Ookami21Kage
Summary: Sequel to Dirty Little Secret. Finally finished. A third and final chapter awaits. enjoy this one. Warning: strong language, etc. Blah blah. you know what it's about so I won't summarise. I suck at summaries. OC and OOC. But you already knew that.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do own Nikita, Carlie, Mesha, Demetri (not the Demetri from the Volturi. Totally different character), Dominic, Xander. _

Nikita POV

I snorted

Forks. The middle of fucking nowhere. Great, just perfect. A carbon copy of England. Rain, lots and lots of rain.

My name is Nikita. I'm wet, pissed, and frustrated. Why did Dominic insist on coming here? What did he lose here? Russian men are odd.

"Don't look so homicidal love." He protested from the bedroom. I stood on the stone balcony in the rain.

"Why did you bring me here?" I inquired.

"I told you I have to meet someone here. You could leave if you like." He said.

I hissed at him. He laughed.

Jasper Whitlock. Why did he have to meet Jasper anyway. Has he never heard of a phone? I ask too many questions.

My phone rang.

"Can I come too?" The voice on the other end of the line chirped at me. I sighed.

"No."

The voice snorted. "Bad luck. I'm already here."

I hung up, my heart stung again… I felt alone suddenly. I hated it when that happened. When I heard her voice after so long…

"Hey babe! There's a package here with your name on it!" Dom shouted from downstairs. I heard her bouncing laugh. A tear streamed down my face, but I wiped it away quickly.

"Hey mom, are you okay?" She asked from behind me.

"If I say no will you stop tormenting me?" I asked, trying to be sarcastic. I was normally so good at keeping my cool around her.

"Nope." She chirped. Satisfied.

I turned around to look at her. I hadn't seen Carlie in twenty years. Her hair was short, but still covering her face and eyes. She hated her eyes… Carlisle's eyes. You'd think after 340 years I'd be over him?! Like hell. I wished I was.

"Mom, you don't look okay." She added.

"This place creeps me out." I admitted.

She looked around. "Too much like England." She agreed.

Around her neck hung my wedding ring, next to her father's. I could not bear to keep it.

She smiled half heartedly at me and sat down on the bed.

"You should go for a walk." She said looking up at me. I smiled and ruffled her hair.

A walk was a good idea. The fresh air cleared my head.

I walked for almost an hour, until I came across a clearing. There was the smell of vampire, of burning sage and of tears. Yet also I could not help but pick up a slight familiar yet unfathomable scent. I stepped into the clearing in order to get a closer look, and once I saw the vampire in question I nearly lost myself.

She spun around and snarled. Then bit off mid snarl, gasped and began to cry. This stole my attention and quieted my nerves. She was more distraught at seeing me than I was seeing her. Good

"Esme." I hissed.

"It can't be! You're dead!." She protested.

I said nothing, I only stepped closer to her, then stopped, pondering my next move closely. Do I kill her? Do I forgive her? Do I interrogate her? Do I… What do I do?

"You must…" She began. "You must come with me! You must talk to Carlisle! Please! I'm begging you! You…" She trailed off.

"What?" I asked, not believing what I was hearing.

"You have to come with me! You have to talk to Carlisle! Please! Niki!" She cried grabbing me by my shoulders. The utter desperation in her voice took away all my plans of torment. She was already tormented, and Carlisle was alive…

"I can't." I said. I wanted to run to him and burry myself in his arms, but that was a risk I could not take. I could never survive losing him twice.

"Please…" She sobbed.

"Why?"

"The diary! Your diary! He read it. The one you left in Venice!" She sobbed helplessly.

My diary? The one I left in Venice? What one did I leave in Venice? The last time I was in Venice was just after I was turned. With my sire. He had taken me there to meet Vivian and to show Carlie the city of Othello. She was only five years old then.

"Which diary did I leave in Venice that would upset the both of you so that misses 'can't be a mistress' would beg me to come talk to her most prized possession?" I pondered aloud.

I had grown slightly more outspoken and cold since last I saw her.

"1692." Was all she said and all she needed to say…

Was that really how I had intended for Carlisle to find out?

"Wait." I said, stepping away from her and grabbing my phone.

I called Carlie.

"Listen." I said, speaking Russian and hoping Esme never learned to speak it. "Something happened. Your father isn't dead. He's alive and he's in Forks. If you want to meet him you know how to find me." I hung up.

A part of me felt that it was too much to lay on her in one breath, but I knew she could handle it, and I knew she secretly cared about him. I'm not blind.

"Let's go." I said to Esme.

I followed Esme into the house. She said nothing on the way there. The house was big and white; I'd die before I'd live in a white house. She pointed to the deck after I'd followed her up the stairs. She turned and left.

I stepped out onto the deck. There he was, with his back to me. The salt of his tears stung my nose, but I didn't care. He stood there, lost in his own maze of sorrow. I realized he thought I was dead, like she did. Serves him right the bastard. He shook his head slightly and sighed shakily. Mumbling in Italian about being selfish and how could he have listened to her. Another wave of sadness cascaded over him. I realized I could sense his emotions. There was a lot of sadness and regret and longing. Things I knew all too well myself. I was surprised that he had not noticed me, but I didn't care. I liked having the upper hand.

"It's true you know. Doctors do lie." I stated softly, instead of snapping at him.

He looked up, but didn't turn around. Panic enveloped him, and doubt.

He said nothing. I took two steps forward.

"It was four weeks after I wrote that last bit that Xander turned me you know. He took me to Venice four years later. To meet Vivian. That's when I left the damn diary there. I didn't want her to find it you see. She hates Venice." I said referring to Carlie. He cringed and another wave of sorrow enveloped him, then he turned around.

He sobbed, in relief, and fear. I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't bring myself to suppress the fear of him letting go again. He sank to his knees in front of me.

"I thought you were dead." He managed to say.

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't say no to him, when he offered it to me. I had to take care of her. Mesha would have driven her insane." I half laughed through the tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I should have never left."

"Don't Carlisle. Please don't."

"I never stopped loving you. Never!"

I closed my eyes and fought back the tears and the urge to fall into his arms.

"I should have told you Carlisle. You had a right to know about her." I said, diverting the subject from me.

I sat down in front of him against the wall. It felt like I was talking to a dying dog, looking down on him like that.

He still didn't reach out for me. I was grateful that he was afraid to touch me. I closed my eyes for a second and searched the other vampires in the house for useful powers I could borrow. A mind reader, perfect. I tapped into his energy and directed it on Carlisle, only to be flooded with a million questions and a thousand apologies and a desperate need to drown in my arms…

I couldn't take it anymore. I reached out suddenly, wrapping my arms around him and crying as if there was no tomorrow. This he saw as his fault.

"It's not your fault damnit! What the fuck is wrong with you? Good lord I missed you so much. I thought you hated me…" I stopped. Listening to his thoughts.

And there it was. The guilt, the disbelief that I could ever think that he hated me. The undying love he had sworn he had all those centuries ago, the longing for his daughter. The utter regret at not being there for me when I needed him…

"Niki." He began.

"No. Shh. You don't have to say anything. I know. It's okay. I can hear you."

He understood. He arranged the crazy thoughts better now. I searched the house again and found Carlie standing behind me.

"Don't be a shadow." I said to her.

Carlisle looked up at me confused, and froze. Their eyes met. I saw it from her point of view. The only thing going through her mind was 'you hurt my mother'.

I let go of Carlisle, got up and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"I could have stopped him, but I didn't"

"Huh?" She asked confused. But thought something more along the lines of 'what the fuck.'

"Carlie, now is not the time for vengeance. You've been waiting for this your whole life. Don't confuse shock for something it's not." She understood.

She went to him, slowly and kneeled down in front of him. Trying to wipe the thought from her mind, she found her old longing for him and focused on that, rather than on disemboweling him. I shook off the other vampire's power and turned to go downstairs in search of Esme. It's her I needed to talk to.

I found her on the kitchen floor, sitting there, staring blindly into space.

"What's gonna happen now?" I asked, sitting down next to her. The mind reader walked past, stopped and looked at me. I involuntarily snarled at him. He'd followed in his sire's footsteps and dumped a girl that needed him. I'd deal with that later.

Startled, he walked on.

"It's not up to me." Esme said, half in a trance.

"Why not?" I asked.

"You're his family." She choked out.

I snorted. "No hun. Carlie is his family, not me. He chose you."

"But he never stopped loving you. He never stopped regretting leaving you."

"It doesn't matter. He chose you. I have other responsibilities now." I lied. I didn't want to come back to him. I could never be okay if I came back. I'd always know I'm second best.

"He'll forgive you." I added.

"No he won't" She whispered.

I sighed. Oh ye of little faith. "He's not you Esme. He'll forgive you." I stated. Making clear the point I had in mind.

A familiar face appeared around the corner.

"Nikita?" She asked.

"Rosalie. Long time no see." I smiled.

"What are you doing here?" She asked confused. The last time I'd seen the gorgeous face of Rosalie Hale she was covered in Royce's blood from head to toe, smiling triumphantly at me, as if she had achieved something by killing him.

"Making amends as it where." I said. Esme was staring at us in utter disbelief.

"Amends?" Rosalie asked confused.

"Oh my holy cathedral! Rosalie Hale!" Carlie sang out. Where on earth did she come up with that one? If it wasn't dead fish or horny dogs it was holy cathedrals? Couldn't she just say fuck?

Rose spun around and threw her arms around Carlie. They used to be best friends back then.

"What the hell brings you to Forks of all places!?" She demanded happily.

Carlie rocked on her heels, not quite knowing how to answer. You see Rosalie had never tied us to Carlisle and we hadn't exactly tied her to him either. This was… unexpected.

"It's a long story." Carlisle said after a few moments. He wasn't crying anymore. Carlie was good at calming people down.

"Um, yeah. Ma we kinda gotta need to talk to you, if possible. It's sort of a matter of high regard Nostrovia business." Carlie stammered.

Dominic in other words. She didn't want to tell Carlisle about Dominic.

I sighed and stood up.

We followed Carlisle out to the yard and I unceremoniously plomped down on a lawn chair and lit a Russian cigarette.

"What did you have to tell me that she doesn't want to?" Carlisle asked hesitantly.

His sudden presence back in my life made me oddly… numb.

"Do you remember that guy my brother used to hang out with?" I asked, blowing a puff of smoke into the cold night air.

"Domonic, yes. One of the dozen who swore to have my head on a stake." He said.

Carlie snorted and rolled her eyes.

"We kinda, might have, ya know, hooked up… after Xander turned me. And Dom might have, sorta, kinda, raised her…" I said slowly, not exactly knowing how to say it.

He stared at me blankly, confusion in his eyes.

"I didn't expect you to come back and I wasn't going to go through life alone. Carlie needed someone who was a little more stable than me. So I figured I'd stick to what I knew and trusted. Dominic just seemed to be the right kinda guy for us." I elaborated.

He stood in silence for a few moments.

Carlie sat down on the chair next to me.

"I owe him." Is all he said. In a way I understood why he was reluctant to speak. I knew I was far too open with my outlook on my life around Carlie, but I wasn't so open she would only spend her life wondering over me and giving me hell to figure me out. She was like that with people. She needed to understand them.

After the initial shock had passed I sat in Carlisle's study with him. I granted him his million questions, but offered him none in return. I had nothing I wanted to ask him.

"What happened to you. After she was born?" He asked. I shuddered at the memory. It was not the birth so much as the after effect that got to me.

"I had Eclampsia. It progressed fast. By the time Xander found me I was weak and dwindling away. I could barely walk. He turned me and stayed with me for a few months. When Dominic and Demetri came back they had both been turned. Honestly I don't understand the coincidence. The rest is rather obvious."

"Good lord Nikita. Why didn't you tell me?" He asked. But then shook his head. He knew the answer to that.

"I didn't know." He said.

"I didn't ask." I protested.

"Sorry. Did she always know about me?" He asked.

"Yes. I never lied to her. About anything. Dominic was good to her. He treats her like the royalty she is. Even now she's like a little child with a new toy, telling him of all her adventures. She loves Bucharest. I don't know why. She's not exactly a fan of Europe. Too much Shakespeare. She hates Shakespeare."

"She told me so yes. She also told me about your reasoning concerning Romeo and Juliet." He said.

I smiled. "It's true don't you think? You took me to Venice and told me I'm your Juliet, when really I was the fleeting infatuation of Rosaline. Besides, Esme's second name fits my theory perfectly?" I was rather proud of me Juliet vs. Rosaline reasoning. Plus Esme's second name is Juliet.

He shook his head and smiled. "I missed you."

My smile faltered, but I returned it. "Your aim will improve."

He laughed. More out of relief than real amusement.

Was this what it would run out on? Such an anti climax. Like the wave staring it's mighty roar that threatens to destroy anything and everything in it's path of cascading wisps of white fire, then ending it's mighty assault with a simple and calm hug of the shoreline. An anti climax indeed.

_AN: So what do you think?_

_Honestly I'm not a hundred percent happy with it. I think it's too fast passed and racing. Much too much to the point. My creativity is being affected by grief. But anywho. Maybe you liked it?_

_PS. Forgive me. I can't really write love scenes right now. My boyfriend died recently. I'm having some trouble adjusting to the thought of writing romance right now. I'll recover, I promise. R&R!_


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